


Healing Isn't Linear

by nefarious_irusu



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Character Study, Happy Ending, Healing, M/M, Mental Health Issues, POV Katsuki Yuuri, Short, Short & Sweet, Short One Shot, Supportive Victor Nikiforov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:53:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25395682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nefarious_irusu/pseuds/nefarious_irusu
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov
Comments: 4
Kudos: 22





	Healing Isn't Linear

"But have you ever tried to heal?"

Yuuri stared down at his hands for a moment, where they just barely brushed Viktors. He looked down at the conjuncture of their legs, where their knees met from them both sitting criss-cross applesauce on the bed. 

"What?"

Viktor tried again. "To heal, Yuuri. To drop every expectation that anyone has ever put on you and just _be you_. To really look inside yourself and get to know who you are. Because, baby, I'm not sure if you even know yourself."

It was a week before Yuuri truly digested those words. A week of going through the motions as he always had, trying to stay afloat when his mind seemed to want nothing more than for him to drown. A week of being lost somewhere, floating outside himself, just trying to prove Viktor wrong.

But he wasn't wrong. Yuuri didn't know himself, not the way Viktor had meant. He knew the ugly pieces of himself, the ones he never wanted anyone to see, like the back of his hand. But he didn't know the parts that Viktor seemed to see; the ones that had drawn him to Yuuri in the first place. He didn't know what Viktor saw in him, but he knew it must be something. 

"Fuck them," Yuuri swore one night when they were lying side by side in bed.

Viktor cast him a confused look, barely visible in the dim lighting of their bedroom.

"Fuck all of them, and their expectations."

Viktor broke into a grin, wide and shining through the darkness. "My Yuuri," he whispered. "I knew you were in there."

He was kind. Even when others weren't, when they were downright _mean_ , Yuuri was kind. He had previously thought this was a weakness, an invitation for people to walk all over him like a doormat. But it wasn't. It was a strength, to be brave enough to put himself on display and be vulnerable with people, regardless of how they responded to the sentiment. Yuuri was kind, and he was strong. 

Yuuri was a warrior. Not just in terms of the physical demands of skating, but also inside his own mind. He fought wars with himself daily, against anxiety, against depression; and he won. Even his small victories were worthy of celebration. It wasn't easy to be against your own mind every single day. It wasn't easy to be at war with himself. But he did it, and he _won_.

"My Yuuri," Viktor whispered to him one night as they were cuddled on the couch. "I see a fire in your eyes like I've never seen before."

Yuuri pressed his forehead against Viktors, letting their eyes line up. "I'm fighting, Vitya, and I'm winning."

Viktor kissed his lips in a fleeting touch. "I'm so proud of you, my love."

He used to lose himself in his skating, but now he was one with it. Each scrape of his blades against the ice meant so much more; each movement was a declaration. _I am here, I am strong, and I will not be defeated_. He could feel himself moving over the ice differently from before. He could feel himself _live_.

He held his head up higher than before. He had no reason to hide, not his love for himself or his love for others. _Fuck their expectations_ , was his new mantra. He spoke it quietly to himself, or even in his head, when he began to doubt himself. He didn't need to impress anyone but himself.

He felt somewhat lighter, like he was walking and skating on air. Like the mountains he had been carrying on his shoulders, he had finally climbed instead. Those burdens were his no more, and he had truly begun to _heal_. 

"Vitya," his voice was choked as tears of relief flooded his eyes. "Thank you. For helping me."

Viktor only smiled and shook his head, thumbing away each teardrop as it trailed Yuuri's cheek. "But my love," he whispered, "you did this all on your own."


End file.
